Posted 1 hour agoNikki Glaser Revealed The Jokes She Cut From Her Golden Globes Monologue - And Yep, Some Of These Are Truly OutrageousI'm actually upset that she didn't use this Timothée Chalamet joke, because Kylie's reaction would've been EVERYTHING.by Ellen DurneyBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestLink Two-time Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser has been hailed by the show's producers as one of the "hardest-working people" in Hollywood. So, it comes as no surprise to hear that she put months and months and months of preparation into her opening monologue - which, of course, wound up being superb. Cbs Photo Archive / Getty Images Within her first minute on stage, Nikki had already dragged CBS and delivered a wild joke about the Epstein files. And the obscenities certainly didn't stop there. I mean, I'm still in disbelief over that Sean Penn cocaine joke... The Golden Globes / CBS / Via youtu.be And now, for the second year running, Nikki made a post-Globes appearance on The Howard Stern Show to unveil the list of jokes she cut from the ceremony - and I think a lot of celebs should be very grateful that she left these out. The Howard Stern Show / Via youtu.be Explaining why they didn't make the cut, Nikki said that things "live on" and "sometimes a joke is just for the room." "There's been times where jokes have really hurt people's feelings or I've gone too far and I feel like I'm always okay with losing stuff now," she said. "It was always really hard to cut those jokes, and now I'm just like, 'You just don't get everything you want, and you just gotta move on and let's just write a better joke. There's gotta be a better joke out there.'" The Howard Stern Show / Via youtu.be So, without further ado, I ask you to brace yourself for Nikki Glaser's 2026 roundup of jokes that didn't make it onto the Golden Globes stage: 1. You know, people just aren't going to the theaters to see things and if you don't believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made $14. Monica Schipper / Getty Images 2. Everyone's concerned about AI. Tilly Norwood is the first star to be completely generated by AI, and somehow has still been sexually assaulted by three different studio execs. 3. Sean Penn is here looking like the defiant last tree standing in a rainforest. Christopher Polk / Getty Images 4. Amy Poehler is here for her podcast Good Hang, which is what Timothée Chalamet says after sex. Christopher Polk / Getty Images 5. Sean Penn is nominated tonight, I'm assuming for best neck veins? 6. Julia Roberts is nominated for After the Hunt. I don't know what it's about, but I'm assuming the hunt was to find someone who's seen it? Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images 7. Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro, and Leonardo DiCaprio are here tonight for the category, Least Eyes. Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it's to read your girlfriend's ID, just making sure the year starts with a 2. Michael Kovac / Getty Images 8. Jonathan Bailey is here. Jonathan is the first openly gay man to be named the Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. And at first I was like, 'Do we really need to say openly?' and then I looked at a list of past winners, and I was like, 'Oh yeah, we do.' Wendell Teodoro / Getty Images 9. I just saw Sean Penn and maybe he's taking The Substance wrong? She said David Spade thought of this one, so props to him! 10. Jeff Goldblum is here tonight, not because he is nominated, just because they were shooting an ad for Apartments.com down the street, and he just kind of wandered in. Jeff doing ads for Apartments.com is hilarious. You haven't lived in apartments since you were a fly. Steve Granitz / Getty Images 11. One Battle After Another had so many incredible performances. Chase Infiniti is nominated for Best Actress tonight, and Chase Infiniti is her real name, and this is true. If you apply now, you can earn 5% cash back on all travel booked through her through the end of the year, so get on that. It is a great deal. Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images 12. Chase Infiniti Payne is actually her real name. Chase Infiniti Payne, which is also how Sean Penn gets an erection. He chases infinity pain. 13. Brad Pitt is nominated for his role in F1 tonight. See, that's what I love about Hollywood. When a man turns 60, he gets to play a racecar driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is 'tired mom who hates her life.' Kristina Bumphrey / Getty Images For Chase Infiniti's sake, I'm glad Nikki decided to hold back (just a little). If you wanna see the jokes that did make the cut, you can read a full roundup here. In the meantime, let me know which of these you were most shocked by, and which you think she should've kept in!