After surviving the "messy middle" of her life, Sarah Shahi is using that experience to help others navigate divorce, career challenges, childhood trauma and more. In 2020, the great equalizer of the pandemic tested the immune systems, emotional well-being and intimate relationships of regular folks and celebrities alike, leaving in its wake wreckage but also clarity. For Shahi, 45, that meant divorce after more than a decade of marriage to Steve Howey, and the prospect of starting life all over again. "On the surface - or from the outside perspective - everyone thought I had everything I ever wanted," the actress, who shares son William, 16, and 10-year-old twins Violet and Knox with Howey, exclusively shares in her Us Weekly digital cover story. "I was living the dream, but deep down, it was the furthest thing from what I wanted for myself." The change in her personal life gave her the courage to chase similar satisfaction in her career, leading Shahi to a dream role as Billie Connelly on 2021's Sex/Life after a string of network shows including The Rookie, Fairly Legal and Chicago Fire. The sexy Netflix series - about a woman who seems to have it all but craves more (sound familiar?), especially in her sex life - not only brought creative satisfaction, but real-life romance with her onscreen love interest, Adam Demos. (The two broke up after five years together.) JONNY MARLOW Then came 2025's dystopian Hulu hit Paradise, starring Emmy Award winners Sterling K. Brown and Julianne Nicholson. (Season 2 premieres February 23.) The more inspired Shahi felt, the more inspiring work she found. And that led her to an entirely different sort of project: Her inspirational guide, Life Is Lifey: The A to Z's on Navigating Life's Messy Middle (out January 27), which she started writing in 2020 as a personal outlet. "I thought I was going to write a divorce journal or manifesto," she says. Then she realized her experience could help others, because "in order to get a divorce, you need courage." She's known about courage since childhood, when her dad left and she, her mom and her two siblings spent time living in shelters. "I've been a product of therapy for over 20 years," Shahi says. "If you're living life from a very surface level, you're missing out on so many great things." The actress sat down with Us ahead of her book tour to reflect on finding herself in her 40s and how she hopes her journey will help others dig deep to chase happiness. Celebs Who Were Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Made NFL Squads Before Fame What's an example of how you embrace the messy middle? I used to be guilty of people pleasing. I would turn myself into a pretzel to give the other person what they wanted, and I would completely neglect my own needs. Over time, I learned how much that bit me in the ass, and how my coming last was hurting me and holding me back. Now if there's a situation that doesn't work for me, I speak up. TOMMASO BODDI / AFP via Getty Images Even if I'm nervous about telling someone how I feel or saying no to a friend or just prioritizing myself, I do it regardless, and then I'll deal with the backlash. At least I know I was honest to me. A lot of people will relate to that. We've got one life, and as women, the story for such a long time has been, "You are put here in service of others." It's a script we should have thrown out a long time ago. We have the right to our dreams. We have the right to our pleasures and our desires. When I finally started realizing that I am here for a purpose and my needs do matter, that's when I was able to create the most sort of good or change ... even [in] my career. You write about turning down work on network TV for a year after finding success there. How hard was that? Sarah Shahi Frazer Harrison/Getty Images I was miserable on network television shows. I would go to work and it felt like there was a piece missing from my soul. I had to really pick myself up and trust my gut and know that I was capable of so much more if I just gave myself the opportunity. My reps were not happy with the decision. I was making good money as a network actress, and I really took a chance on myself and was like, You know what? It's OK to sit on the sidelines for a while, to not make any money, because I trust that it'll come back around. And it did, but, yeah, it was hard. I had a lot of people in my ear telling me I was making a mistake. And then you got Sex/Life! When they talk about divine timing, like, I believe it more than ever. I really was at this crossroads in my life where I was so deeply unhappy, I was questioning all of my decisions. I didn't have the courage to act on anything, and it was almost like I was handed this role that really paralleled my personal life. And through playing Billie, she became like a buzz in my veins. Playing her really gave me the courage to go after what I felt like was my authentic self. How did the show change your life? I became the poster child for unhappily mar