If you thought the holidays were all twinkle lights and cozy fireplaces, think again! The most surprising seasonal spectacle this year is happening behind the walls of FCI Fort Dix. Yes, y'all, the once-untouchable music mogul Diddy is spending his first festive season in khakis and concrete behind bars in New Jersey. But don't you dare think he's suffering. In fact, his holiday dining situation might make some of you want to call your local correctional facility and ask for a reservation. Related: Diddy Now Under NEW Investigation For Allegedly Throwing WHAT At This Producer?! According to TMZ on Thursday night, the man may be locked up, but evidently his taste buds are still as free as ever. So, first off, that outlet reports that every normal morning in Diddy's new winter wonderland begins with what we can only describe as, uh, the Breakfast of Champions Who Got Caught?! Or something... Basically, picture him starting his day with bran flakes like he's in a commercial, skim milk to keep that waistline tight, whole wheat bread because carbs are still king, and a banana to top it all off. And there's even a splash of jelly waiting for him. It's basically brunch at a wellness retreat, minus the influencers and plus a few hundred inmates. But the real magic comes with the holidays. Think Thanksgiving in prison sounds bleak?? Well, not for Mr. Combs. Per that TMZ report, he will be getting turkey roast, mashed potatoes, corn, and some type of unnamed dessert on Thursday - which is more than most of us can say about the pumpkin pie our relatives bring over. LOLz! You may be eating at the kids' table this year, but Diddy is feasting like the star of a holiday special filmed in a cafeteria. Oh, and Christmas turns the volume up even higher. Instead of the predictable turkey redo, the prison kitchen is reportedly rolling out baked Cornish hens as though Diddy and his fellow inmates were hosting a royal banquet in the rec room. Mashed potatoes make a triumphant return, cornbread dressing joins the lineup, and mixed veggies will be there, too. Ya know, because balance is key even when you're doing time. And then comes New Year's!!! Because apparently incarceration doesn't mean you skip options. Diddy gets to choose between baked fish or grilled beef on that day, which already puts him ahead of anyone stuck at a sad Times Square party nibbling on stale appetizers. And if he really wants it, tofu lo mein awaits, as well. Talk about a wholesome start to 2026! Courtesy of the Bureau of Prisons... and your tax dollars, of course... So, while Diddy does his time in the Garden State, the holiday spirit is apparently alive and well in his dining hall. Reactions, y'all?? Drop 'em (below)... [Image via WENN/Avalon] The post Diddy's Prison Holiday Menu Revealed! appeared first on Perez Hilton.