The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star Jessi Ngatikaura made some startling confessions about husband Jordan Ngatikaura including how he blackmailed her after her affair, what they lied about on screen and more. During the Wednesday, November 19, episode of "The Viall Files" podcast, Jessi, 33, opened up about her relationship with Jordan and shared that she faced similar issues of emotional abuse in her first marriage. "My muscle memory is me being used to being yelled at. I remember when I was first married, there were really hard moments," Jessi said about former husband Zach. "He was super emotionally abusive - I would say more so than Jordan, to be honest." She continued: "Jordan is [emotionally abusive] in different ways but I had already dealt with worse. So it was normal for marriage where it's just hard. At least it's not as bad as my first one. But then over time, it got to that point where it was as bad." Mormon Wives' Jessi and Jordan's Relationship Timeline After Affair Reveal Season 3, which debuted on Thursday, November 13, showed Jessi coming clean about a two-week emotional affair with Vanderpump Villa's Marciano Brunette. During the show, she also addressed the emotional abuse she experienced with Jordan and how they found a way to reconcile. Jessi's podcast appearance on Wednesday told a different story, however, as she unpacked what never aired, what she wasn't honest about on screen and how bad things really got in her marriage to Jordan. Keep scrolling for her biggest revelations: A Past Marriage Before Jordan Disney/Natalie Cass) "We were both married before. Jordan was in a long term relationship after his first marriage so he had had an on and off girlfriend for three to four years. I was married for five years," Jessi recalled. "Around the time I left my husband, Jordan was breaking up with that girlfriend of four years and he had already been divorced since he was 18." Jessi met Jordan at a gathering through mutual friends. My husband actually came with me to a couple of [these group dinners]. One of the dinner parties right after I separated, I showed up alone and Jordan was like, 'Where's your husband?' I was like, 'We separated, we're getting divorced,'" she added. "He's like, 'Me and my girlfriend just broke up last week.' So we just sat and talked for hours about our breakups and we just bonded over that. Then a week or two later, he asked me out and I said yes." Jessi continued: "I was going through divorce while dating Jordan, which was not recommended. I definitely moved on too quickly. But at the time, I felt like I was probably just looking for a distraction and something to help heal the pain of the divorce." Similarities to Her 1st Marriage Disney/Fred Hayes Jessi experienced emotional abuse in her first marriage, as well as in her relationship with Jordan. "I didn't heal from my first marriage that was emotionally abusive and I jumped into a second one that repeated the same patterns," she noted. "That's a big reason why I'm where I'm at is because I didn't heal so I allowed the same thing to happen to me twice." Jessi clarified, however, that Jordan and Zach were very different people. "[My first husband is] a good Mormon boy so I thought I was marrying the safe choice. He had a good family and they were in the church. He had been a returned missionary and he was great for the first couple of years," she said. "Then he got into some drugs and stopped working. Things just went downhill and he had a lot of anger issues." She continued: "But I came out of that marriage broken because of that and I carried a lot of wounds into the marriage I have now. Now history has repeated itself so now I'm dealing with recovering from both." Jessi later elaborated on the religious complications from her first marriage. While no longer a practicing Mormon, Jessi pointed out that she is still "sealed" to her husband in the church, which they refused to let her lift. While her ex has remarried and is sealed with his current wife, Jessi's attempts have been denied. She referenced "religious trauma" playing a role in some of the issues in her personal life. What Caused Issues With Jordan Courtesy of Jessi Ngatikaura/Instagram "From my point of view, the more success I got maybe made Jordan [felt] a little threatened because he wasn't the provider," she noted. "Men do struggle with that sometimes, especially in Mormon culture. Even though he's not Mormon, you grow up in that community and you have a certain way of thinking." Jessi said the fact that she was the breadwinner was "threatening" to her husband, adding, "Jordan ended up quitting his job and didn't have a purpose. I actually think that played a lot into how he treated me." (Jessi also mentioned in the podcast that she became "a multimillionaire within a few years," courtesy of her hair care company JZ Styles.) Warning Signs Courtesy of Jessi Ngatikaura/Instagram Looking back on the early days of her marriage, Jessi noticed that sh