Cynthia Erivo is opening up about her nonexistent relationship with her father. "I was sixteen when he left me, alone, in a London Underground station after an argument about a transit pass," Erivo, 38, wrote in her memoir, Simply

MORE: A Book for Anyone Who Has Been Told They're Too Much. "When he told me he didn't want to be in our lives anymore, I stood there in shock." Erivo felt nothing except "confusion and quiet," she wrote in the book, released on Tuesday, November 18. "Then, I walked away." She "cried so hard" while walking through the train station that she went in the wrong direction. "Still in tears, I corrected my course," she wrote. "Just as I made my way to the right platform, there he was. He was in front of me, walking straight in my direction. I held my breath." Cynthia Erivo Reveals 'Pact' With Ariana Grande and More Book Revelations Erivo thought her father was "going to apologize" and hoped the "argument would just disappear." Unfortunately, and to her dismay, that was not the case. "Before my cascading scenarios could solidify into hope, he passed right beside me. He made no eye contact, said nothing," she added. "From that moment forward, to him, I had ceased to exist. It was the last day I ever spoke with him." Keep scrolling for Erivo's biggest family revelations from Simply

MORE: Her Parents Erivo wrote that her mother, Edith Erivo, "fell in love" with her father before giving birth to her and her younger sister, Stephanie Erivo. "Unfortunately, that man wasn't necessarily equipped for fatherhood, and so the raising and rearing of myself and my sister fell on my dear mum," she shared. "Mum, somehow in the midst of my father's iniquity - being mostly an unhelpful, absentee father - found a way to section off a piece of kindness in her heart. She made space in our lives for him and permitted him the chance to make space in his life for us." Erivo believes that her dad "tried" the best he could to be a father before ultimately leaving his family behind. Knowing Her Father There were a few things that Erivo knew about her father, starting with his name and his "drink of choice." There were also two major factors that made them similar. "We both have a gap between our two front teeth and by some strange stroke of irony (and because God likes playing jokes) my father can sing," she wrote. The list of things that Erivo didn't know about her father was much longer. "I don't know how old he is. I don't know his birthday. I don't know his profession. I don't know his parents' names. I don't know what his likes and dislikes are. I don't know if he believes in God. I don't know if he has a favorite color. I don't know what his favorite song is, or who his favorite singer is. I don't know where he lives. I don't have his phone number. Suffice it to say, I really don't know much about him at all." Her Sexuality Erivo wrote that "queerness wasn't discussed" in her family. "I didn't talk to anyone about it because I didn't know how to describe it. I was also afraid," she wrote. "Nobody was talking about queer sexuality in my friend group, and I couldn't talk with my mother or sister about it. I couldn't because I was too scared." Will Kristin Chenoweth Be in 'Wicked: For Good?' She Says ... Erivo recalled that she was "exclusively dating guys" until her late 20s. "Slowly, I came to see I was who I was and began to accept myself. To own myself fully. That was the first step," she wrote. "Still, it took me time. And even more time before I was able to talk with my mother and sister about my queerness. I didn't want to be spurned by them. After all, I'd already lost my father to rejection. I didn't want to risk losing them too." They discussed her sexuality as a family and while she didn't receive "full-throated acceptance" at first, she wrote that her identity is now "a territory we're still navigating." Overcoming Need for Her Father's Acceptance Initially, Erivo "desperately" wanted to show her father that she was "extraordinary." "I no longer look to him for love. And you don't need to look to those who don't see you for who you are either," she wrote. "I release my father from his paternal role. I harbor no animosity toward him." Erivo added, "I've since come to learn that I am completely worthy regardless of what he thinks. ... Wherever he is, I want him to know that I'm OK with the fact we don't have a relationship. Because in truth, we don't need it. I'm not asking him for a relationship. I absolve him. And I am free."