The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives are about to see more of Mayci Neeley than what made the air as she unpacks her past trauma in a memoir meant to serve as a warning sign to people stuck in abusive relationships. Across two seasons of the hit Hulu show, viewers have witnessed the women of MomTok navigate some pretty wild (and wildly intimate) moments. But fans are just starting to scratch the surface when it comes to Mayci, 30, the show's resident level head. When the Hulu series - also starring newly minted Bachelorette Taylor Frankie Paul and Dancing With the Stars' Jen Affleck and Whitney Leavitt - launched in late 2024, "my story line got cut," Mayci tells Us Weekly in this week's issue. It wasn't until the show's sophomore season that part of Mayci's backstory found its way on screen. When she was pregnant with her first child at 19, the baby's father, her then-boyfriend, Arik Mack, died in a car accident. In a pivotal scene, her close friend and costar Mikayla Matthews visits the crash site with her, and it's the first time we see the stoic Mayci break down. 'Secret Lives of Mormon Wives' Then vs. Now: How Cast Looked Pre-Hulu Show What fans may not know is that Mayci - happily married to husband Jacob Neeley since 2018 - also endured a previous abusive relationship that involved a sexual assault. To share that story and others, she took matters into her own hands, putting it down on paper for her memoir, Told You So, which is out Tuesday, October 7. "The process of writing was tricky," Mayci, who is also the CEO and cofounder of BabyMama, a natal nutrition company, shared. "When I'd write about the abuse, I was really angry and irritated. Then, when I'd write about losing my son's father, I felt grief and sadness." Ahead of the book's release, the mom of three - daughter Charli arrived in July, joining brother Hudson, 10, and sister Harlow, 4 - tells Us more about facing her darkest chapters to give strength to others and find her own: Has filming the show helped you process any of your past? I don't know if I would've pushed myself to go see my son's father's crash site [otherwise]. When I was filming season 1, I told them, "No. I'm not doing that." And then the next time they asked, I was like, "OK, well, I actually know I need to." This is a big part of what I need for my own healing journey - I just was ignoring it. How did Arik's accident change you? It was the hardest thing in my entire life. The grieving process was so intense. There were so many things I wish I would have said, so many regrets of what I said before he passed and so many things I wish I could say or ask him about now. It's given me a lot of anxiety in my current life. If my husband doesn't respond within a certain amount of time. I'm like, "Did he get in a crash? Are my kids OK?" I get so freaked out. What was it like to grieve Arik while you were pregnant with Hudson? I was so, so depressed. Every day, I just wanted to die. I never thought of really doing anything to hurt myself because I knew it would crush my family - and having my baby in my belly. I knew it wasn't an option. But it was a daily thought. Thanks to my mom, she got me out of the house every day. BuyBuy Baby was my favorite place in the world. That got me excited, because I was opening a new chapter in my life. You also write about a prior controlling, abusive relationship. I didn't know I was being abused. I had to Google things that were happening to me because he would tell me, "You've never been in a real relationship - you don't know what it's like." So I literally Googled it, and every single thing on this website about abusive relationships, I was going through. I just cried. I was like, "I'm being abused." That was the moment it flipped in my head, when I was like, "I have to get out." How were you able to? It took him to physically leave the state for me to have the courage to do it. I was like, I'll just be nice and friendly, and if he does retaliate, then it is what it is at this point. I was so miserable. I got so fed up, which is a good thing, and chose myself over staying with this man. I was like, "I would honestly rather die at this point than be with him." Any concerns he'll resurface when the book comes out? Bring it on and see what happens. If he does, his name will be exposed everywhere, which I've hidden for him. There is no statute of limitations now in Utah for rape. I don't feel scared anymore. 'Mormon Wives' Couples Status Check: Who Is Still Together? Who Broke Up? How has your relationship with Mormonism evolved through the years? Obviously I broke a lot of the guidelines by getting pregnant, drinking alcohol and smoking weed. Those are definitely against the guidelines in the church. I did feel a lot of guilt because we're taught that sex outside of marriage is like a sin next to murder. It's all the shame and guilt you feel from your upbringing. Then I got into a really religious space once my son's father passed away because I had