We figured this was coming... But we honestly thought it would be a lot better for Donald Trump! Ever since the President sent his personal criminal defense lawyer - now his Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche - down to Tallahassee to interview Ghislaine Maxwell, the fix was in. All she had to do was say Trump was innocent, take the heat off him for not releasing the Epstein files. Because he's been looking guilty as hell - all his associations with underage sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein finally getting put under the microscope as he angrily fought against releasing those files. So of course they were going to release the transcript of her convo with Blanche. Not the actual evidence they've had for months, the files they had hundreds of agents working over time to flag Trump's name in. But this new convo? When they already have an interest in clearing the POTUS? Sure, that the American people can have. Spoiler alert: Maxwell does say she never saw Trump do anything wrong... which is what we expected. But she also says she never saw EPSTEIN do anything wrong! And oh yeah, she never did anything wrong herself, either! Oh, and by the way, Bill Clinton is totally innocent, too! This has got to be a joke, right? NO ONE DID ANYTHING WRONG??? Look, this thing is 337 pages, and ain't no one with a job got time to read all that. But let's look at the basics here. Before the deep dive, here are the highlights and lowlights from the redacted transcripts... Contents [hide] 1 Donald Trump 2 Bill Clinton 3 'Never Saw' Epstein?! 4 Who, Me? 5 Epstein Didn't Kill Himself Donald Trump First off, she says she never saw Trump do anything wrong, nor did she ever hear about him acting inappropriately, "absolutely never, in any context." She defended him completely: "I actually never saw the President in any type of massage setting. I never witnessed the President in any inappropriate setting in any way. The President was never inappropriate with anybody. In the times that I was with him, he was a gentleman in all respects." Not only that, she says they weren't even friends, not really! Not that she saw, anyway: "I don't know Epstein's - if he had - whatever the nature of the President's friendship, if you will, or however you want to define that with Epstein, I was - never witnessed." She said all those photos and videos of them together were just acquaintances being civil at parties, not showing friends hanging out: "I think they were friendly like people are in social settings. I don't think they were close friends." Even that book for Epstein's 50th birthday, they asked her about that. And she said she didn't recall seeing anything from Trump in it. OK, so what? All the stories mutual friends, employees, and women have told over the years, that's all a lie? All the stories Epstein told? They didn't hang out? They didn't throw parties for young models, they didn't go to casinos together? Trump and Epstein at a party in 1992. / (c) NBC/YouTube We feel like she may have overdone it a little bit saying they weren't friends at all. This just isn't in line with the facts we already have out there. It is in line with the narrative Trump has been trying to sell lately. You know, that he was never friends with "Jeff" the "terrific guy" who he knew "for 15 years" at all. Related: What Katie Johnson Said Trump & Epstein Did To Her Speaking of laying it on thick, Ghislaine gave her opinion of Trump the man, saying: "I admire his extraordinary achievement in becoming the President now. And I like him, and I've always liked him. So that is the sum and substance of my entire relationship with him." She doesn't really know him, but she admires him. Great. Bill Clinton Speaking of guys to defend, Maxwell brought the heat for Bill Clinton, too. She said of the former POTUS: "President Clinton was my friend, not Epstein's friend." She didn't believe Epstein and Clinton had "an independent friendship" aside from the former helping the latter with the plane rides for charity, like the '90s Democrat leader has always maintained. She says Clinton never set foot on Epstein's home in Little St. James, aka Pedophile Island: "He never. Absolutely never went. And I can be sure of that because there's no way he would've gone - I don't believe there's any way that he would've gone to the island, had I not been there. Because I don't believe he had an independent friendship, if you will, with Epstein. He was a rich guy with a plane." What about the plane? Bill's rides on the so-called Lolita Express? Nothing untoward happened, and Clinton never got a "massage," she declared: "So they spent time on the plane together, and I don't believe there was ever a massage on the plane. So that would've been the only time that I think that President Clinton could have even received a massage. And he didn't, because I was there." Maxwell said she spent some time socially with the Clintons, including going to Chelsea Clinton's wedding and going to their house numerous times